Baby’s First Halloween: How Eye Contact Builds Comfort and Connection

Halloween with kids under five is chaos of the best kind: sugar-fueled giggles, glittering costumes, and doorbells that never stop. But for babies, especially the ones still figuring out how to regulate their little nervous systems, it can be a marathon of sensory overload.

Let’s follow three families from the same preschool class as they spend the day together, and see how their babies respond to the magic (and mayhem) of Halloween.

By the time the preschool class’s Halloween party wrapped up that morning, the room smelled faintly of cupcakes and washable paint. Three families lingered, kids trading glow-in-the-dark stickers while their parents settled the day's plans.

“Parade first, then trick-or-treat,” said Ben, father of 4 1/2-year-old Jack, three-year-old Lily, and baby Theo. “If we can make it to the pizza place after that, it’s a win.”

“Perfect, I’m on my own today, but I think we’ll be fine,” said Maya, mother to four-year-old Iris. Maya was dressed as a kangaroo, her six-month-old, Avery, poking out of the pouch, hiding her baby carrier.

Beside them, Leah, mom to two 4-year-old twins, Laney and Luke, adjusted her wrap so that seven-month-old Luna could nurse. “We’ll be there. Luna loves lights and watching her older siblings run around. Certainly, they don’t make it dull for her.” 

They laughed. They made plans to meet up after lunch and nap times. None of them knew how the day would go, but they were all excited.

The Park Parade

By afternoon, the neighborhood was a swirl of capes, candy buckets, and the methodic beat of the high school marching band. Ben pushed a stroller piled high with buckets and costume parts while Theo gazed out, mesmerized. Maya’s kangaroo costume drew smiles from other parents, and many kids stopped to talk to baby Avery. Leah shifted Luna to her hip since she was kicking to the music as the drums grew louder. 

Meanwhile, Jack, Iris, Laney, and Luke were having the time of their life, checking out everyone’s costumes, dancing, and talking about the candy at the end of the parade. 

The parade would start soon, and the crowd started lining up and pressing in together. The kids were bouncing up and down, eager to show off their costumes.

When the cymbals clashed to announce the start of the parade, Luna startled, then tucked her face into Leah’s shoulder. Leah swayed, giving her a moment, before whispering softly until Luna relaxed. 

A few feet away, Avery’s breath grew shallow; she turned her head, averting her gaze from the flashing camera lights. Maya caught the cue and asked Leah to keep an eye on Iris, and then started walking toward the quieter edge of the park.

Theo, still enthralled, flinched when an older kid jumped in front of him with a “Boo!” Ben chuckled, but saw Theo searching for him and then turned the stroller for a moment so Theo could see him. Ben bent down, spoke Theo’s name until his eyes found his father’s. Ben smiled, steady and warm. Theo relaxed. And on they went.

15 minutes later, the parade was over, and the kids were running around and collecting the treats from the tables set up by the local organizations and retailers.

▣ SCIENCE NOTE — The Power of Eye Contact
Even brief mutual gaze triggers oxytocin release in both caregiver and infant, lowering stress hormones and restoring calm (Uvnäs-Moberg, 2005; Kim, E et al., 2014). Oxytocin dampens the amygdala’s alarm response, helping babies shift from fight-flight to rest-connect.

The Park

The parade over, the candy acquired, it was now time to enjoy the park some. The noise thinned near the swings, replaced by rustling leaves and bubble wands. The kids raced ahead while the parents and babies walked behind. All was calm again. 

Ben, Maya, and Leah sat down to rest while the older kids were swinging. Ben noticed Lily, his 3-year-old, getting left out, so he asked Maya and Leah to keep an eye on Theo, and took Lily to play on the swings. 

Leah looked down at Luna, whose eyes had fluttered open again. “When she catches my gaze, we both exhale,” she said. “I didn’t know until recently that there was a hormone behind this eye contact, but I can feel it.”

Maya nodded. “Same here. When it’s loud, Avery can’t find me unless I turn her around and bring her close. Then she resets, well, really it feels like we both do.”

Ben had returned and was smiling. “That must be why Theo stares at me like he’s downloading data, but also Lily, too, if she is on the other side of the room getting worked up and sees me, she calms down, it's uncanny.”

They laughed, unaware they were describing the same biological loop: connection begets calm, calm deepens connection. It was time to put Lily in the stroller, and for them to all move on to the trick-or-treating portion of the evening. 

▣ SCIENCE NOTE — Co-Regulation in Action
Infants can’t self-soothe yet; they borrow the caregiver’s nervous system. Through touch, voice, and eye contact, oxytocin synchronizes heart rate and breathing between parent and child (Hardin et al., 2020; Carozza & Leong, 2021).

Trick-or-Treat

As dusk fell, porch lights flickered on. Luna shifted again, from alert curiosity to a quiet snuggle. Leah followed her rhythm, bringing her to her chest. The kids went house to house, excitedly comparing their treats. As they turned the corner, a large spider jump scare had them all screaming and scattering. Ben quickly grabbed Jack and held him by the shoulders and calmly said, ‘It’s a trick, only a trick.’  Jack looked up at his dad and with a quiver of his lip tried to smile, and then finally said, ‘Yes, a trick, only a trick.” Then he laughed and rejoined his friends. The twins ran to Leah, immediately grabbing her hands and hiding behind her. They waited until they saw the spider pop out a few more times, then ran back into the fray. 

Maya noticed Avery’s startle, yawns, the arch of her back, and the first whimper that said too much. “Oh dear, I think this is it for us. We’re going to peel off early,” she told the others and called to Iris that it was time to head home.

Ben gave a mock salute. “We’ll miss you at pizza.”

An hour later, Leah and Ben were sitting at the pizza parlor: the big kids swapping stories and treats over greasy slices while Luna slept on Leah’s chest. Ben had dropped Theo off at home with his mom after a thorough bout of overstimulation, and Maya texted a photo of Avery asleep, the little kangaroo pouch crumpled beside her. Maya shared, “That took so much longer than I expected, and Iris is so upset about missing the pizza party.” 

Leah and Ben promised to drop a few slices off for her on their way home. 

▣ SCIENCE NOTE — The Overload Threshold
High-intensity environments flood infants with unpredictable stimuli, sound, light, and movement, raising cortisol and heart rate (Wass et al., 2019). When stress cues appear (gaze aversion, yawning, stiffness), stepping away or creating a quiet pocket of connection can help prevent a full shutdown or meltdown.

After the Noise

Three families, one long day, and three versions of balance. None perfect, none failing. They paid attention. They read their babies’ cues. They adjusted in real time, quickly using connection: eye contact, closeness, and gentle tone, to help their baby and kids reset.

In Möberg’s language, every lift, every glance, every soft murmur re-engaged the calm-and-connection system. It’s biology’s way of saying: safety lives here. 

So as you plan for Halloween, remember:

Your baby’s calm doesn’t come from keeping the world quiet.

It comes from knowing they can always find you in the noise.

▣ SCIENCE NOTE — Oxytocin, the Antidote to Stress
Oxytocin isn’t just a “love hormone.” It counteracts cortisol, lowers blood pressure, and promotes healing and trust (Grahn, P., Uvnäs-Moberg, K., et al., 2021). Repeated oxytocin-rich moments teach the developing brain that connection—not withdrawal—is the safest way to recover from stress.